A Christmas Musing...

I felt like I should write something about Christmas this year. Not entirely sure why, just felt like offering a few musings for the holiday season. I’m delighted this year to have off all of the time between Christmas and the New Year, and feel like somehow I’ve reached this point in my life where I feel I’ve done enough in the year and don’t wish to be at work during this season for any reason at all. Not that I don’t enjoy my work, because I most certainly do.

It was just last week that I had one of those exceptional patient-therapist interactions where you feel you’ve touched the other person’s soul – where your ‘touch’ in their lives has come at exactly the right moment for them to enact a complete life change. I sense (hopefully) that the things we discussed in that session will transcend this moment in that individual’s life and become something of a turning point. Many of you will be aware of such incidences in your day, and while (I hope, and I pray) I touch people’s lives every day at work, it is sometimes brought home in new and refreshing ways. So work is actually a place I’m particularly enjoying at present. Added to that is the promise of an even better work environment in the new year with new knowledge to assimilate on courses in February I’ve wanted (and waited) to do for a while, and then the chance to incorporate it all when we move back to NZ in March, and professionally I feel like life is going swimmingly!

So why is it I feel this urge to muse about THIS Christmas? I think Christmas this year has changed irrevocably for me. When you’re a kid and growing up, Christmas time is an almost magical time of the year that you wait for with tender and loving expectation. There is the thrill and mystery of Santa, the wonder of all the decorations and lights, the festive atmosphere that pervades everywhere and genuine good-feeling that everyone seems to gush, coupled with the thrill of spending time with one’s wider family, and enjoying all the good things that life has to offer.

For me at least, the teenage years hit and Christmas became more of an excuse to drink lots with the cousins (which was the then source of fun) presents were less of an intrigue because generally speaking you knew what they were before you opened them. Santa was no longer mysterious, and besides, he doesn’t visit beyond the age of about 12 anyway, depending, it seems, on what house you live in. Church was dry, and though the notion of its importance and place had come through to me, I’d never have considered it a spiritual time of year.

In my early twenties I think I returned to that spiritual meaning of Christmas again with a vengeance. And searched and searched within all I could fathom of the Jesus story for all that Christmas is as a season. But I think I’ve come to the conclusion that Christmas (at least to me) is more even, than the Jesus story. I say this a little hesitantly, aware that without Jesus (the Christ, of Christmas) there would be no Christmas. But then perhaps there would. Except we’d call it by another name. There is certainly something in the human condition that loves to celebrate, sometimes (it seems) regardless of the reason! Surely the birth of Jesus is a fantastic reason for celebration, but our culture has also found other things to celebrate (though you may or may not agree that most of our other holidays throughout the year lack the magic and the meaning of Christmas).

So I don’t say more than, to belittle, nor to depart from the significance of the Jesus story, just to denote that the spiritual side to the season has become more than just that which is promoted within the walls of a church. I guess I’ve got a growing awareness that our ‘spirits’ are lifted at this season, not only by God, but also by each other. Perhaps the most important ‘church’ is the one that exists within our own families?

For the last few years I’ve not been overly interested in presents. In this ultra consumerist world we live in, Christmas seems to have become just another excuse for retailers to squeeze our hard earned $$$ out of us. And yet there is truth in the joy of giving, in mimic of the ‘wise’ men who gave the first gifts, in the first Christmas. Perhaps my own seemingly seismic shift this Christmas is simply regaining that joy (of giving). Ironically it is also the year when on my side of the family we elected not to give gifts to one another in recognition perhaps of some of these things I’m talking about.

So previously perhaps I’ve been a bit of a selfish scrooge and now I’ve magically transformed into Bob Cratchit? Well not exactly. But I’ve certainly entertained some of the thoughts of Dickens’ most notorious character. There has definately been a ‘Bah Humbug’ to all the gift giving anyway. And in truth I’m probably still a mix of both characters! I think mostly my former position was a reaction to the perceived consumerist culture of the season and the conflict this clearly creates with living out other aspects of the Christian faith. Perhaps it’s simply that I haven’t had it (the financial ability) to give. Or perhaps it’s that the giving became obligatory? Or that there was an awareness of expectations on the part of the receiver? I’m not entirely sure what quashed this joy of giving, but whatever it was, it quashed not only the joy of giving, but also the desire to receive. There is wisdom in the saying: ‘Never look a gift horse in the mouth.’ But in that there is nothing of the actual desire to receive, which I have come to believe is inextricably linked with the ability to give also.

There is also wisdom in the saying: ‘it is better to give than to receive.’ I think that’s one of those paradoxical statements which, though true, is not likely to be a truth in someone not able to receive a gift well. Go figure the human psyche in that! Definitely it is something to do with a generous spirit that can (generously) appreciate and receive the gift with the intention of the giver firmly in mind, and not feel abashed as though the ‘gift’ were a debt to be repaid.

There’s a lot to unpack in this idea around Christian notions of Grace and acceptance from God, freely. Lots and lots. But I’ll let you muse on that for yourself.

So the past few years I’ve accepted gifts in the form of goats and such like, bought for me, (but actually for someone far less fortunate than myself, in some far off distant land). I hope those goats have been worthwhile to the people who received them! For many NZ farmers goats are about as useless as animals get. I guess agriculture has moved beyond the humble goat in my country of origin. Anyway, I digress.

I think part of my point is a recognition on my own part of some false piety in the reception of ‘goat’ presents. What do I mean by that? I mean that my reception of ‘goats’ was less about my being a good human and more about the fact that I didn’t want to receive. Equally with that though, I didn’t especially want to give, which made me feel somewhat selfish and guilty, without entirely understanding the reasons why. In my own head I reasoned at least, that I did not want to give or receive because of my disagreement with the consumerist aspects of Christmas, and because I couldn’t reconcile spending money to buy trivial ‘things’ for people who didn’t really need them when there is such real need in our world. But in actual fact I just didn’t understand where I stood on the spectrum from selfish to selfless (far closer to the selfish end). It’s not a selfless thing to accept a gift which you only accept to appease your own selfishness – because the motivation is totally selfish! I think that’s it, in a nutshell.

Self knowledge can be a wonderful thing. I think it’s important to understand what it is that drives your beliefs. Understanding that enables us to operate from a more grounded place in our dealings with others, I guess because if we can understand and empathize with our own belief systems (but also see the potential flaws in it!), it makes us more generous in accepting and empathizing with other peoples’?

So what has changed? Kids I think. Kids offer a new perspective on Christmas in their wonder at the lights, decorations, presents and all such things. It’s given me back some of the wonder of the season. Not just my own kids, but all the nieces and nephews that have graced and enriched us with their presence (albeit most of them from across the Tasman!) It’s funny how your kids make you grow up a bit. Or maybe it’s not funny but only natural.

I’ve been on a bit of a pilgrimage of late (in my own head space at least) in an effort to re-discover what constitutes true faith. Actually I think I’m always on this bent. I think I can handle being called a heretic, but less so a hypocrite! Anyway there is a line in the bible which says: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” It’s in the book of James. And ominously (for me) is preceded by this verse: “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.” Which I find humorously ironic to the whole notion of posting this blog. I also find it somewhat difficult to deal with as I’ve never really considered myself interested in religion. Faith yes, God yes, but religion no. So such a line is interesting to digest. Must be a biblical translation error!

I think it is this search which prompts me again to re-examine my notion of what ‘Christmas’ means.

So my conclusion then? Christmas is about my relationships with those around me. It’s a time to enjoy giving and receiving the many gifts the season has to offer, including (but not exclusive to) God’s gift. I think if one’s generosity extends to genuine regard for those that need goats, then by all means give. But if not, one need not feel guilty about that – guilt is a poor motivation for behaviour! Though it’s worthy of deliberation as to what in ones belief system makes one feel guilty?! There’s a belief for you! And on that note I’ll say Merry Christmas. May all the provocations and blessings of the season be on you!